Happy Birthday America

I know some birthdays are harder than others, especially coming out of a particularly trying year. I for one, haven't been excited about a birthday since I turned 21. It's not your fault the citizens of this country put you in an economic slump, an outbreak of panic broke out over swine flu, families with more children than you can count on two hands continue to receive offers for television shows, or that Lindsay Lohan is still running rampant on the streets of your best state.

Instead of feeling down and out on your special day, I thought I'd take a few moments to remind you of all the great things you've got goin' on.

• The 8 years of monkey business have finally ended. The Texan left the White House for good and now you have a leader who can read and write!


• With less money in their pockets, people are traveling within the country instead of flying to silly Europe and the Carribbean


• The E! channel recently banned any and all talk of Speidi on their channel. Hopefully soon, magazines and blogs will follow suit and we can be rid of them for good


• George Clooney, enough said


• Lance Armstrong is making a comeback (he's no hero of mine, but I've noticed a few people seem to be fans of his)


• Paris Hilton is about to leave your borders to bother Dubai for a bit while she looks for another BFF (God help them)

So chin up USA, crack open a domestic brewskie and crank up the Springsteen. Here's to the next year ahead. May it be filled with continued improvement!