Not So Precious Metals

Sometimes when I'm trying to get a point across to a specific audience, I feel it's best to address them directly instead of writing a blog for the general public. I think this was most effective with Jason Whaler last year, and may choose to use this format more often.

Today's letter is for the casual wear king, Old Navy.

Dear Old Navy,

I recently browsed through your aisles hoping to stock up on my summer flip flop wardrobe. Upon entering the store, I came across something VERY disturbing... Metallics. I understand that shiny material gives off the appearance of a fashion forward look. However, much like the sequin top trend, it is something completely unsuitable for anyone weighing in at more than two digits. Metallic fabric whether pants, party tops, or swimwear will cling to every unflattering curve, making the wearer resemble a beached Paula Abdul.




The problem here is that your target consumers are not those who have eating disorders, drug problems, visit rehab regularly, have the last name of Olsen, or party on Sundays in WeHo at the rooftop pool of The Roosevelt. Like myself, the majority of your shoppers have bodies that DO NOT resemble Tara Reid (and thank goodness).

It would be in the best interest to anyone who has eyes if you could promptly remove this collection off your shelves. Do your part to save the planet by sparing young impressionable girls from falling prey to shiny clothing.

Fashionably yours,


Carina